8 Months in 6 Days...

I would have been here for 8 months in 6 days time.

Last night I got a call from my boss. It really upset me and I actually lost my cool at him again. Poor guy. I know he was only trying to help me out but I am just so frustrated working here. He was cool despite me losing my cool. Dunno... maybe he understands my predicament. And maybe he put me here against my will therefore he has to understand. Whichever...

I was in tears with frustration and in the middle of cooking my chicken curry. I had to stop the fire to continue with the conversation. I was tempted to ask him a very personal question which would have put him in a dilemma... to answer as a boss or as a friend. It was so close at the tip of my tongue but I knew there was too much anger and frustration in me to allow myself to ask as I was sure my anger would have gotten the better of me and I would have said things that I would regret. So, I held back... but I will have to ask him eventually... Do I still have a future with this company?

I felt regret today as I read my e-mail and remembered yesterday's incident. I regretted not joining my cousin. I turned down her offer which was 40% more than here. But another part of me... the responsible part of me felt I should stay on and steer these guys out of choppy waters before moving on... and I guess that is why I am still here. I received an e-mail from one of the directors who claims that my products are getting from bad to worse. It offended me. Not that I am not willing to take criticism but I know that this was an unfair statement. ALL evidence shows that the product has improved since I took over. I am not claiming that I did that but I will stake claim to giving the team here motivation to do what they failed to do earlier. My boss called me about the e-mail which he was copied on. He briefly asked me the circumstances and just advised me not to give excuses when I respond (Not that I would, he just wanted to make sure). He indirectly told me that he could not interfere. His last words, "You know what to do".

Nincompoop... this is another species that I despise. The species that sits and does nothing and criticises everyone. The species that does not see what their staff do for them nor appreciates the efforts of their staff. The species that imposes all kinds of restrictions to your jobs then conveniently asks you why you are not performing. But here's the strange thing... people like this thrive... I guess because human beings just love to get smoke blown up their asses.

Anyway, Julian came to see me today. Julian is the chap I recommended to my cousin when I turned down her offer. Julian took the job for less than half from what I was offered... of course at different capacity lah. He's just the Operations Manager. They wanted me to replace their CONsultant who never made a sen for them in one year of operations with a RM7 million turnover. I would have charged the guy with CBT if it were me. Julian is doing well, so he says. I told Julian that I was using him actually. If the guy I recommended at half the price can do a good job it SHOULD only reinforce my value, right? Technically lah... Julian says that they're expanding and would probably need a GM soon. This would be my back up I guess. I'm just not too keen in getting back into the entertainment scene. Been away from that scene for a long, long time.

As I tell my team over and over again. As much as I seem unscathed due to my so-called cool-poker-faced demeanour, I am only human. I go through the same ups and downs that they do and the same emotions too. I just don't have the luxury of openly exhibiting my frustrations as I have to set an example.

Oklah... enough of rambling... I've vented.