Busted!!

I had 10 minutes to spare before my 4 o'clock meeting so I thought I'd flip through the papers a bit. What caught my eye was "Mr. Universe for Sazali again" located at the left corner of the front page. I flipped the paper over to get to the Sports section. And there it was on the back page... a full page with the title "High Five" along with a big picture. Our local guy has been crowned Mr Universe 5 times in this bantamweight category (65 kgs). Not bad... so I take a closer look at picture. Do you see what I saw?

Ok... This is Sazali Samad. He's the dude who got crowned and done Malaysia proud. Now... look at the two dudes behind him. One on his left and one on his right... what are they gawking at? (click on the picture for a clearer look) Just look at their expressions! Busted!

Do I Look Like An Idiot?

No, you don't look like one but you definitely are one. Hahahahahahahahahaha..... I almost fell off my chair!

Close Fit!

Do you see what caught my eye? Good eh? Close Fit... just like Durex's condom... Ha, ha, ha...

Dream...

I've been busy... busy with diarrhea... last Friday and Saturday... stomach wasn't too good after that. Had a sleepless Monday night and I've been busy this week dealing with a whole bunch of idiots who think that the end justifies the means. It's still not over. I will have to go and face these idiots again later.

Anyway, last night I had a dream... I dreamt of her... yes, her...

Strangely, I never did think that she was that hot. I remember bumping into her at Starhill Gallery a few years back... were in the bubble lift and she had absolutely no effect to my male hormones. I didn't even take a second glance. But... in this dream it was different. She spoke fluent English... yes, I kid you not. Everything was nice... perfect grilfriend material. Thoughtful, fun, good conversation and even good...*ehem*... (of course I dreamt that, I am a normal male, ok?). I thought of blogging exactly what we did... if you wanna know what we did, leave a comment and I may just give the details... ; )

Everything was nice and until I somehow remember my ex-colleague saying that if she lost weight she would look like Amber Chia. That's when I woke up... and something very hard quickly went to sleep.... darn!

Oh, well... it's just a dream...

Ayah Hisap Buah Dada Menantu

Seorang lelaki berumur 48 tahun telah ditahan polis hari ini kerana telah mencabul kehormatan menantu perempuannya. Kejadian dikatakan berlaku lebih kurang pukul 11:00 pagi apabila tertuduh dikatakan telah masuk ke dalam bilik menantunya yang pada masa itu tinggal berseorangan kerana suaminya telah pergi bekerja. Tertuduh kemudian dilaporkan telah memaksa mangsa menanggalkan bajunya lalu tertuduh telah meramas dan menghisap buah dada mangsa.

Jiran-jiran dapat menangkap tertuduh setelah mendengar jeritan mangsa lalu membawanya ke balai polis. Di balai polis, suami mangsa, iaitu anak lelaki tertuduh, terus meluru kepada ayahnya dengan perasaan marah bercampur kesal. Si anak dengan menahan sabar berbaur kemarahan, dengan nada suara menggigil kerana menahan perasaan marah yang amat sangat, lalu bertanya kepada ayahnya, “Ayah….. naper ayah buat camni ha? Ayah dah hilang akal ke? Tak malu ke? Mana kami nak letak muka, ayah? Kenapa ayah? Why? Why? Why?”.

Si ayah pun dengan tenang lagi selamba menjawab, “Ooh… malu konon… apa yang nak dimalukan?” Berdesing telinga si anak apabila mendengar jawapan ayahnya. “Apa??!! Tak malu??!!! Badan si anak telah menggeletar teramat kerana cuba menahan marah. “Dah tu…..” tempelak si ayah, “yang kau tu dulu hisap buah dada bini aku, aku tak kisah pun. Takkan skang ni aku nak hisap buah dada bini kau pun tak boleh??? Kena adil laaa!!!”

Si anak terus jadi sawan mendengar jawapan ayahnya.

muahahahah… sekian lawak bodoh tuk hari ni... :p

What's in your name?

I received this early this morning. Someone decided to look up what my full name meant. And I have a very long name... 19 characters, 5 names and 8 syllables. Well, for those of you who know me... you decide on its accuracy... Ha, ha, ha...

You have leadership ability and with your power of expression can be an influential speaker. Organisation or management would suit you. Your energy, intellect and creativity overcomes any challenging situations and assure your future success. Certainly with your emotions under control there is nothing which you cannot achieve. Your faith and vitality means that love and prosperity are naturally attracted to you.

My Sister-In-Law...

My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty one years of age, wore tight mini skirts, low cut blouses and had a perfect pair of 34 Bs. She was perfect in every way. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family".

The moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car.

Ha, ha, ha... one of my favourites. Hope it managed to put a smile on your faces. Have a good day in hazy KL...

Hell Of An Answer...

This is a good read and an even better laugh... courtesy of Lian who sent it to me this morning.

The following is an actual question given on a University of Liverpool chemistry final exam.

The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues via the Internet, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's law that gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that, if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell. Because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay constant, the volume of Hell must expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Sandra during my freshman year, that "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is endothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting anymore souls and is extinct . leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being - which explains why, last night, Sandra kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A".